i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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