Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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