I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
