Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
