but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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