shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
