why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
only you would photoshop your dick
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
