So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
