Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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