It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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