I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
