so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
