I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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