OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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