i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
