franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I did not marry a roomba.
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