So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
