please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
