Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
