so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
