i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
