well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
