Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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