I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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