So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sober January is a disaster.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
