dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
