When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
