DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
