jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
