Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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