mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??