I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?