at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way