Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever