He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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