My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong