I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.