Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  everyone is single if you try hard enough

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  (954): everyone is single if you try hard enough http://tfl.nu/81g9
  Replies (42) Good night (5452) Bad night (962)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.

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  (281): my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious. http://tfl.nu/99ri
  Replies (48) Good night (6242) Bad night (1208)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.

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  (985): I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now. http://tfl.nu/zv6d
  Replies (6) Good night (5963) Bad night (1057)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

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  (732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj
  Replies (38) Good night (5322) Bad night (1728)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.

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  (515): The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites. http://tfl.nu/ny6g
  Replies (8) Good night (4712) Bad night (1650)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?

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  (678): He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa? http://tfl.nu/j68l
  Replies (7) Good night (3704) Bad night (994)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket

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  (217): 4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket http://tfl.nu/mc6u
  Replies (11) Good night (2024) Bad night (738)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.

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  (204): when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape. http://tfl.nu/srkz
  Replies (2) Good night (2211) Bad night (657)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?

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  (514): Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final? http://tfl.nu/e8i7
  Replies (28) Good night (2627) Bad night (806)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.

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  (248): It's fine...I've done worse things to better people. http://tfl.nu/e0kr
  Replies (3) Good night (1897) Bad night (758)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.

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  (678): Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS. http://tfl.nu/1c5m
  Replies (3) Good night (966) Bad night (610)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.

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  (706): Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one? (1-706): You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome. http://tfl.nu/97og
  Replies (4) Good night (950) Bad night (472)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit

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  (215): I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit http://tfl.nu/jw8x
  Replies (0) Good night (656) Bad night (589)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my vagina doesn't wear a watch

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  (774): Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak (603): my vagina doesn't wear a watch http://tfl.nu/ym75
  Replies (6) Good night (1286) Bad night (409)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest

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  (814): Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest http://tfl.nu/qbej
  Replies (1) Good night (713) Bad night (389)

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