I'm going to jail i love you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
