Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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