I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize