I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When are your genitals available?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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