When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
