I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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