I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
