I cannot find my penis.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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