When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
