i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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