Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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