Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
