look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
