During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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