I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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