i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
