i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We don't watch enough power rangers
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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