After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
