i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
