I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
