Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
