just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
