i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
