How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
