I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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