meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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