better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
