Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
