DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
