i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
