I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
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i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.