the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.