my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.