If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.