My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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