he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.