Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
