and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
