you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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