Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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