Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
