Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
