Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
