similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
