Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sorry my hands just texted you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
