O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
