They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
