That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
