I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
